The worst thing is having nothing to live for or die for.

Lilly you may feel that way now and maybe for a longtime before now, but believe me forty years ago I was there myself for many years. I tried doctors and medication, I tried friendships but nothing helped me. Then one day a friend of mine gave me a record with Elvis Presley singing hymns. I prayed for God to help me and really gave my heart to Him. Then I listen to that record and I cried and cried as I was there feeling myself walking in the garden with Jesus and Him talking to me. I played it every day when I got home from work, I started to feel His love for me and His peace filling my soul, as the hymn says.
It didn't happened overnight it took a while for there was plenty God had to clean me from, but little by little I have found the peace that it's not of this world. God has been with me no matter what I been through even till this day. Run to Him for you are His child and He will heal all your pains, and erase all your scars and make a new creation in Him. Today I'm an old person who knows I can always relay on Him even when I'm hurting so much at times I know who to run to for healing, protection, peace, and companionship. Who can be a better companion and friend than Jesus who never throws back at us our sins. For when He forgives us he never use it to hurt us back unlike some humans do. Trust God with all your heart and not lean to your own understanding and you will find help and peace. May God bless you beyond anything you have ever hope for. I pray this for you in Jesus loving and merciful name, amen.

I am praying for you Lily

i am really sorry you are going through this. I am also dealing with depression. I was suicidal and put on different meds and different doctors and nothing seemed to help. I cried and cried to God to help. I am have a Christian counselor and doing so much better. i am off of meds. i still have moments and i still get lonely but i am so much better than last year. please do not give up and my suggestion is to have at least 1 person to be able to vent to, let them know ahead of time this is something you need and make sure they are ok with it. my person is my mom and it really helped to know someone was there just to listen to me. even though she could be with me in person it was nice to have support during the difficult times and we are much closer and she prays for me every day and i also have all of my family and church members praying for me

so i pray for you. i pray that you will have the help you need and you will be stronger for this. at the time i hated going through what i went through but now i tell my story to people who want to listen so they know they are not alone and i feel a bit better each time i tell my story so know that you are not alone and god loves you

This is a difficult season but try to believe this too shall pass and you will have beauty for ashes. I have seen people close to me come out of this stronger .I pray for change and love and compassion for you