My daughter is 20, she is back together with a man she dated last year (2009). He was nasty to her, cheated on her, slept around and even lived with another woman last year. After all of his sleeping around, he had 'used up' the women in this area and was sick of being here, so instead of getting out of the military, he signed up for 3 more years; he had several bad breakups and relationships here and he wanted a clean slate and 'new' women. After signing up for 3 more years, he heard my daughter was dating someone new and he was upset. He told my daughter he regretted losing her and regretted staying in the military and decided he wanted to get back with my daughter. Despite the past and the adverse advice of family and friends, she said yes to him. She had just told me a few weeks prior to this, that she had heard just how often he slept around while they were together and she told me that she was SO glad they were through. She begged me to be 'ok' with it and I told her that although I wasn't, I wouldn't try to prevent her from seeing him as she was old enough to make her own decisions. She was thrilled and hugged me so tight. But this past weekend, he asked her to spend the weekend at his rental and it changed her for the worse. Now, he wants her to move in with him here AND move to italy with him next year. It's not that he is just a lying cheater, he is also overly jealous and has anger issues too. It's clear that he hasn't changed, but he is lying to her that he has. He was physically/verbally abusive to his ex wife and abandoned his 2 daughters after his divorce. Now he wants to have a baby with my daughter and move her with him when the navy moves him to Europe next year. She is being foolish and I pray she doesn't get pregnant, it's another way of him trying to control her. He already walked away from his other two kids, he will do it to another as well. He monitors her contact with family and friends and moving her in with him is his way of further controlling her. The week they got back together, she totalled her car (unhurt, praise God) and she also lost her full time job. She was a nanny and therefore can't get unemployment. But personally, I feel the Lord is throwing these stumbling blocks in her path, but I didnt' tell her that. The entire situation is really making her angry. She feels 'trapped' at home without a job or car. Until this week, she said she didn't want to move out of the house and instead was planning to live at home and go to college full-time in fall 2010. I had originally planned to co-sign a car for her after she found a new job, but I refuse to do so now that she is with him and her plans have changed. NOW, she wants to move in with him and move to Italy with him and talks of having his baby, and says college is not going to happen. I am so worried about her, I know she is 20 and can make her own decisions, but she is blinded by 'love' and can't see that this man is not right for her and doesn't have her best interest in mind.
I should also state that he has no contact with his own family and seems he wants the same for my daughter. After spending the weekend with 'him', she now looks at me (mom) as the enemy, when just last week she called me her 'best friend' and told me how much she loved living at home and said she loved it so much she didn't want to move out for a long time or at least until after college graduation. She called me all day, came to see me at work, we had lunch together several times a week, shopped together on weekends, movies together, etc. We literally spent so much time together at her request. She constantly told me how much she loved being around me and spending time with me, it wasn't my forcing her to do so. She'd show up unannounced to see me at work, etc. It was her choice. She even asked me to help her get college and a new job lined up for her and had plans to travel with me this spring/summer, etc. (with her brother as well...the 3 of us had plans...her brother is in college, lives at home as well)
NOW, she is moody and nasty and told her brother that she hates living at home and having rules and says she is 'sick of mom'.....
I haven't changed or done anything different, the difference is that she is dating 'c' and he is filling her mind with garbage. I literally feel my daughter is being brainwashed by him. She spent the weekend at his place and came home a totally different person with a bad attitude and new plans. I planned to help her find a job and get a car IF she was at home and still going to college, but I have expressed that if she wants to be on her own, she has to figure it all out on her own, and that irritates her. I refuse to help her and make it easy on her to move in with him.
Any suggestions are welcome, but please pray for our family and for her to get her life straight. I believe 'c' being out of her life is the best thing. I don't want to see her pregnant or a single mom and having him be a cheater or have him walk away. Thats the way he's been, he hasn't changed. She had a text he sent yesterday that was labled a 'warning' to her. It said that he wanted her to consider herself warned that he has trust issues and he warned her to never, ever, do anything to cause him to distrust her or he would be gone for good. She is young and used to be fun and flirty, he hated it and wants HER to change to make HIM trust her....he is ruining her life....please pray they don't last...and that it ends before a baby or marriage or move is involved.........please.........my heart is broken over this and I can't sleep or eat....she got over him once, she can do it again, but she won't be the one to leave him, he has to leave her or it will never end.....I fear for her!
