I'm tired seems to be all I can say lately Lord.
I just came across this site. I go throughout my day lately, and the only thing that seems to carry me is that I am constantly saying God help me. My littlest girl made me a bracelet that says faith and I cling to it constantly as well, but I am spent. My name is H, I have been married for 13 years and I have 5 children. I am a faithful mother and wife, I trust God, I do, but things are so hard right now. My husband is in seminary, well he is supposed to be, but he's let that slip, this was his only job and we lived on student loans as his GI bill covered school. Things got tight and he let school go in order to try to fix our finances. He got discouraged, and has decided to turn to the internet for all of these get rich quick promises. I've tried to talk to him but he won't listen. So I tried to help him but it truly gets us nowhere. We are fighting all the time about it. I believe our marriage is over! We are almost out of money now and it's clear to me that our children will go without a Christmas. I can't afford a single present for them. This is how they'll find out about Santa clause and it is breaking my heart. We can't pay our bills, our rent, anything and we sit day in and day out at the computer staring waiting for some magic solution. My kids are being ignored, there's no time for family, only time for desperately seeking money which is what everyday has become about. The season has slipped right past us with no joy, no closeness, no together time, just fighting and the computer. My oldest daughter is a senior who was dating the wrong guy. This ended in disaster with she and I s relationship crumbled. We were best friends six short months ago. I home school although I've been failing miserably at it lately and we have a toddler at home to. I've reached a point where I feel like know one hears me, no one listens or puts value in what I say. I work so hard to give to my family because I love them so much, I work to ensure a spirit of service in each of us. And though we don't do this for recognition we do serve. God put us in a place where he let us know that this was our call to help others. We do this with an open heart and Lord forgive me, now I find myself asking who will help us? Who will hear me cry. I am up all night looking for answers, up all day looking for more. Our life is not our own anymore. I miss my kids, I miss poraying , I miss my husband, and I miss most if all feeling valued. I of all people know Christmas is not about gifts its about Christ and about giving. I have instilled this in my kids too. If you could see their hearts, wise beyond their years and the faith that can move mountains! But as a parent not one single gift tears me apart. How can I look them in the face? I feel like I need to try harder and do more, but I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally beaten. I can hardly stay awake in the day, I cry through the night , alone. If my husband talks to me its usually with disgust now and so its easier not tho talk at all so the kids don't see. My daughter is slipping away each day and I can't stop to repair that either. I have asked my husband and daughter foir help, to hear me, to listen, or respect me, but it falls on deaf ears and I can't waist time on this because I have to figure out how to keep us afloat, in a home with food, etc. And my littles think that santra can help. I am so tired I ache! I am supposed to be stronger than this but I'm just not. I know we are under attack, I believe with all of my heart that us being in seminary is the prime culprit, but that doesn't make it easier and it doesn't fix things. I've been saying for weeks that I have faith in God, that I know He will see us through, but every day gets harder and every day is one more day closer to Christmas. If I can't offer my kids anything for Christmas I don't know what I'll do. I am trying to be faithful. But I'm just so tired. I see no hope left anywhere, no spark in my husbands eye, no joy in my kids eyes, I'm worn out and feel like I just can't do it anymore. If my weaknesses are to show Gods' strengths then I'm ready. Please pray for peace for my family, for no more distractions, for the restoration of love, of hope. Please pray for a Christmas miracle for my angels who are T-17, K-12, T-10, C-9, and K-22mos old. Please pray for a renewed spirit for my husband and for me. Please pray that NY husband will find a source of income quickly, I just can't look anymore. Please pray that he will find his way back to seminary and meet the dead lines he needs to. He puts these things off until it hurts us. Please pray that God will restore happiness and rest to our whole house, and to me. I am the glue as are most moms, and I am falling apart. No one really knows what to do when mom crumbles so I have to find the strength not to! Please pray for financial help, marital restoration, strengthened relationships and for a liitle bit of fun to find its way back into our home. Please pray for healing physically, I have been sick a long while, it started with a cold, but continues weeks later. I lose my voice, run a fever, and can't seem to heal. I am the only one in our home with no medical coverage so a Dr. Is out if the question and I need so badly to feel well again. Please pray for God to wrap his loving arms around my husband as he struggles, and around me as I cry. We need Him, we need each other, we need family and it feels like its slipping further away with each passing day. God please help me is what I typed in my Google search box tonight, so God please help me is what I close with. I saw that people had been so kind to pray for others on here and so I am hopeful and thankful for your prayers now!
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