Father God my Creator in Jesus' name - Last night was hard. The thoughts burned I think I may have hurt you too, I always do. I don't understand a lot of things, the pain is quite heavy.....the problem is feel. I need to be numb so that I was stab you and lose you.
I am sorry if I hurt you. I can't live without you though, you are my delight. I hope that when I am in heaven I never ever feel what I felt last night and even now. I feel like I care and reaching out to an indifferent brick wall, maybe emotionless. It's not hard for me to love. You thought me how to love easy, maybe it's from too much of my own blood loathing me and wanted the worst for me. I am always embarrassed after I get mad at you, that makes me love you even more cause you don't react like us humans do. Sorry if I came off ungrateful and arrogant it just hurts so much, it's heavy on my chest. Please forgive me and please make me numb so that I can go to heaven. I am still waiting on your promises for a husband. It hurts so bad but you are God!
I am happy but scared. I am happy but I am scared that we might get cheated and hurt because we are women. I am scared that our own family will try to hurt and hate us for it, and I already declare that I will not be weak and be ungrateful and lose you. I am not perfect in anyway but that I promise I love love your heartbeat your soul. I love that you recognize me back and your eyes are so human so distant and mysterious never ending yearning to learn more about you.
This is war! Lord, I ask you to please send your mightiest angels over SR-H on the land that you blessed us with. Please send your angels to protect it, bind it and for those angels to make sure that what is rightfully ours to come to our hands and not be cheated out of one penny in Jesus' name. Please touch and bless the heart of the geologist, the evaluators, estimators, bankers, lawyers, governments, PM and his family into our favor so that he wont turn on us and become our enemies over this. Lord, please protect us in every way in this process for we have no one. Please guard it well so that others in the area don't sneak on the land at night or during the day when no one is watching. Lord, we do not yet have money to build a fence or gate around the entire land so we rely on you (even if there was a gate) to protect it for us oh Lord. Please protect it for us oh dear God we have no one. No one, even our uncle and brothers no one. Please let us not be hurt or cheated oh Lord we have no one. We have no one oh God please fight for us as you have done in the past as it is you who have taken us thus far.
I am scared of losing you but I will be head strong. I will be strong, please make all of us strong so that we wont give in to any ill-willed man or woman or spirit. Make us super strong and please send superbly wonderful angels and handpicked by you humans in our paths. We are human females too so please handpick awesome husbands for us too. It's so so super hard to be alone and ...........
Lord, NACA and their reps are so hard to get to and so so unprofessional and insensitive to their clients' needs. Lord, on June 8th I have a phone interview with JM of NT NACA. Lord, she is only human and so am I however, you rule above all things and Lord we need to get out of that apartment ASAP. Lord, please bless us with a BIG YES for that house oh dear God. Please make it happen for us as mom's account is sliding down.
Lord, Father God mighty creator all that we promised each other will come to be but I need your help most on my side cause earth and sin makes things slow. Lord, a great start would be a new nicer cleaner place to live.
Lord,Sarah is suffocating me. I like that we are talking again but she has got to move on. Please bless her with the strength to go back to her own room. Please I will still love her but Lord she sucking energy out of me and my space. Please kick those demons out of her and out of our apartment for good and forever. Please Lord I don't want to show lack of charity and kick her out myself but Lord please do it for me. I don't want to be mean but Lord she's go to go, but I want her to go on her own will like last year. Lord, please encourage her to go back to her room, not deb's not the living room or floor but her room. Please Lord, we are on good terms now and I just want my space back.
Thank you Lord, in Jesus' name -Amen
I am in love with you Lord, I have faith in your promises and in YOU.
