I am standing for restoration of my marriage and seriously building a hedge of thorns around my husband, Dada. It is emotionally toturing but I will stand still for my marriage. My husband is from a neighboring country, 1 days’ drive/2hrs flight. My husband didn’t have a permanent job but working on contracts and was paid very little until we got married. I have always had a permanent job with satifyging benefits in my country. We agreed that I would still live in my country so that both of us would work hard until he finds a permanent job then my daughter and I would move to live with him.
I helped and assisted my husband as much as I could. I sacrificed more than I could imagine. We went through hardship and humiliation but I stood by my husband. My husband would broke down but I had been strong for him and he saw me as an angel for him sent by God. No matter how hopeless I felt I wouldn’t allow the devil to convince me with his lies because I wanted to be strong for my husband. I would visit him 2-3 times per year and he would visit me at least once or twice, depends on his work.
We are both Christians. Whenever we were together we would go to church almost every day for the worship services. Because he doesn’t speak or understand English well, I would teach him the Word which was preached to us by the man of God and we would find courage and have peace. It was an amazing journey as I prayed fervently to God to open doors for my husband to find a permanent, well paid job to be able to mantain us a family sothat we can live in one house as it supposed to be for a married couple.
For 7 years we have been trying to conceive without success. I have seen 4 different gynaecologists so far, I went through a lot of tests and they all confirmed that they couldn’t detect any problem. My husband is relaxed and feels it is unnecessary for him to see the doctor because the problem is with me since he could make a child while we were trying too. Many times he would mention that maybe my family has witched me, that I shouldn’t compare myself with his children and that he would die next to them. I have never given him a reason to make him say all these things and it really hurts me a lot. I have a 15 years old daughter from a relationship before and my husband has a 13 years old girl and a 5 years old boy (whom I only found out about when he was 3 months old). I was hurt because he has been with this woman all along and was living together with her until he got her pregnant. He apologised and begged and I forgave him. Whenever I visited him, I would buy clothes for both children because in his country is very expensive. I felt it was my duty to help my husband providing them and show them love but he wouldn't let me have a relationship with them or know their mothers. I have seen the boy only once and the girl twice.
1 year and 3 months ago my husband got a job in the best oil company in his country and he is being paid well with the best benefits. December 2009 I went for holiday to stay until January as usually. I found him being kicked out by the landlord because he has not paid the rent for 4 months since he was not being paid on a probation for 6 months (which was true though). He asked me to go back sothat I would go back in Mei when he start getting his salary. I left after a week and was heartbroken. Since then he has been having excuses that he wanted to organise everything first befor I go there. In October 2010 his mother, who loves me so much told me to pray because the mother of his son went to his place with her belongings and his son, demanding to move in with him. His mother and his sister managed to get her out.
In November, he got his leave and he came to visit for 3 weeks and he never mentioned it. We agreed I would go in the 2nd week of December which I did. When I got there I found out that when I left in December 2009 he was caught by our housekeeper with a woman in our bed and he fired her. After 7 months he begged his mother to beg her to come work for him again because she is very trust worthy unlike the other one who stole everything, even my clothes.
I couldn’t trust my husband anymore because he would switch off his phone whenever he was with me. A woman came to look for him when he was at work and he claimed that she was his cousin which is not true. He would go out and promised to come back soon to go out, only to see him 2 o’clock in the morning. I would send him a message to explain how unhappy I was about the way he was treating me because he wouldn’t want to sit and have a conversation with me. He started using my messages an excuse that I am too jealous and he is upset that I don’t trust him.
I was supposed to come back on 10th January 2011 but on that Saturday 8, in the morning he said he was going to work until 1500. At 1300 he came home and told me that the next morning he would be travelling and he wouldn’t know if he would be back the same day. He told me that it would be better to go back with the busses which were leaving then because he might not be back till Monday. I told him that it wouldn’t be a problem because I could leave even on Tuesday since I will start working only on Thursday. He said he would go buy a ticket.
Later he phoned and lied that there wouldn’t be a bus on Monday or Tuesday and the only one was leaving within an hour. I felt we had to talk but he was reluctant. When he came to fetch me I asked him if he didn’t want me any more? He became angry and said I should find a man who will give me more attention and whom I will trust since he is not making me happy. I was shocked and cried hysterically but he asked our housekeeper to take my luggages to the car. He took me to the bus and started to apologise and beg me to understand why was it better to leave before he travels. I was hurting because I knew I would cry all the way back to my country.
The road is tiring with a lot of bumping because of holes. I felt humiliated and embarrassed in front of my housekeeper and neighbours. I couldn’t believe that my husband, my close friend, in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. My husband, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend, we who had sweet fellowship together?
I prayed all the way that God would do a miracle to cause me to conceive too. When I reached the border the next morning, my periods started flowing with a terrible pain. I’m very heartbroken but I leave everything in the hands of God because I know He will not allow the devil to put me to shame. He knows the pain I am going through, the shame and the discrimination since Julia, the mother of his son believes she can continue having a relationship with him and that she has the right to move in with him because I have not given my husband a child and I am a foreigner.
When I arrived he sent me a message to ask if I have arrived safely. I responded and I didn’t say much. I decided I will not speak or complain anymore but will only talk to my faithful God and I know He will speak for me because I am His child.
I will not give up on I will not give up on my marriage I will fight a good fight and I surely have the victory in Jesus Christ as you come in agreement with me for the restoration of my marriage and the fruit of the womb.
Remain blessed, my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus.
