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Hi
As you know Dan has been under Satans' bondage for some time. He is to the point right now he has NO regard for God what so ever. He is upset because how can a loving God send his "children" out as sheep among the wolves. If God is so perfect, how did He make such a big mistake he had to kill off all but Noah and his family. Why would God give Satan so much authority? Many other items that make Dan so upset and we go round and round. The majority, if not all of our fights, center around God. I told him I don't believe God wants us fighting about him.Usually I get out the bible and just read scripture out loud. Then Satan seems to loose his foothold because he CAN NOT stand against the word of God.
But lately Dans depression has gotten so bad that he spends the majority of his time either thinking of death and ways to die or is fixating on sexually impure things. I hope not to get too explict as I only hope to give you insights in areas needing prayer. When I ask him what he wants for dinner, he tellls me poison. When I ask if there's anything he wants, he tells me a bullet in the head. He tells me that he is no longer my husband, that man left a long time ago. He doesn't tell me he loves me and despite the fact that I continually try to build him up and reassure him of my love for him(as well as Gods') will not return my kisses or affection. He tells me I need to get used to being without him because he plans on killing himself soon. He has suggested jumping off buildings with a rope tied to his neck, medication over dose,car accidents, explosions etc. I have tried in the past to call EMS or police only to have them tell me that he hasn't expressed a threat to himself in their presence, that he just is suggesting that he wishes he would die. I toyed with the idea of a small tape recorder, but committing him is not what Dan needs, as soon as he gets out he would quit taking any medication as he refuses it and has faked taking it in the past.
He is a daily regular on a site he used in the past to find sexual partners. He has told me he won't screw around on me physically but every day he lusts after what is impure and Dan quotes so he commits adultery every day. He has a lot of sexual fantasies, about both sexes, and writes, draws and dreams about them on a regular basis. We do still have physical interaction but not in a manner where there is any romantics or respectful contact. but, this is an area where afterwards Dan seems a bit more receptive to my "preaching". I told him that the bible relates that I should never quit praying or loving him. I think it was Smith Wigglesworths wife who prayed for him as he went drinking and carousing and it was her prayers that led him to be such a revolutionary and strong evangelist of his time. I'm sure there are plenty of others. Dan has no regard or desire to do anything in this life except think of ways to die and about a sex life he shouldn't desire..
He holds on to his job by a thread and probably my prayers. We are filing for bankruptcy but even so our mortgage payment will still be $1200 a month, I bring home about $200 a week, so the payment isn't manageable on my own, as we will barely be making it with both of our incomes and I am dedicated not to loose the land that was gifted to us by my Dad, in silent protest by much of the family. I am trying diligently to get a better paying or additonal job, but I am having health problems of my own and am not getting any offfers. I KNOW that the Lord will provide for me. Even if it does mean losing things I once felt neccessary. Our one vehicle is about to be repossessed. We do a have 20+ year old truck that we plan on trying to get opperational. I hope to get something more reliable so we can get to work. Right now with the one vehicle and two separate jobs, it has been a challenge but we have managed so far. I tell you, not having a vehicle,stove, dryer etc sure does humble a person. God says I am blessed by being poor, and I am grateful for what I do have, but some days it is hard.
Dan does nothing around the house or property except sit on the computer. My brother Jon and I had a huge fight this week abouth how I'm not doing a good enough job keeping up with all the work on the land and Moms yard. He told me that I didn't have much of a husband. I told him that if my husband was dying of cancer would he berate him then for not helping me? I told him Dan has a mental illness(Dan says everyone has some sort of mental illness- I guess I somewhat agree with him there) and that we need to pray for him. I know Dan not taking any meds is not good but he says if God wants to heal him He will. He says he has asked God so many times to help him overcome these things and to bring joy to his life but doesn't so he's not going to ask anymore he's just going to burn in hell for eternity.
Dan has no one he confides in. He has practically no friends. He is accountable to no religiously based person(s) other than myself. It is difficault for me to try to "preach" or hold himaccountable when I am suppossed to be trying to be submissive to him. When I do stand my ground it is because I am standing on Gods' firm foundations and that is an area where I am NOT willing to give Satan a strong hold over my life. We had prayed for a Christian home when we were trying to bet this place. A place where we could have bible studies and help others. Dan says all of our efforts were failures. I told him we planted or tended to a seed. That was our job at the time. That we should not grow weaary trying to do good, even though some days are very tiring for me.
I told him that even though his predictions about the end times and his views on Colorado didn't panout that God would bless him for taking a firm stand on what he felt God wanted him to do and he did so in faith. I told him I didn't undersatand, if he prayed that his predidctions didn't come true but then got mad at God because they didn't didn't make much sense to me.
I am calling upon the elders of my church, my pastor and the one person from my church Dan considers to be his friend, to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE pray for him. I rebuke Satan and his demons every day. I know there are spiritual battles going on here. I am holding on to my faith. I thank Dan regularly telling him that if I had a great husband I might not have grown so much closer to God. I thank Dan for bring me closer to God and tell him that I pray now that my faith will bring him back to the loving arms of Christ. I need help in my deire to love and support these matters. I'm not sure who can or will contact Dan and eveen more discouraging is tring to have a genuine conversation with him regarding his faith, or lack there of. Someone besides me needs to help via prayer, conversations or other ways you may be led.Our phone number is 608-356-0830. Dans' email is winepressfodder[at]yahoo.com( the way he feels his life can be described) He works 11 pm until 7 am(by choice so he wouldn't need to work his sabbath Fri sundown to Sat sundown, but don't see him repecting this day over any other other than to make a stated ment to co workers about a decision he made to God. So I beseach thee to hold him up in prayer or help in any way you are led. I don't want to contact you because I need help with his funeral arrangemtns, I need help with his everyday spiritual life or death battles so he can live life to the fullest in the arms of a savior who is full of grace love and forgiveness. I would appreciate any assisstance I can get. Thanks so very much. Carol <><
