Sorry to be a pain again, constantly praying, crying, asking for prayers. I know I'm not supposed to compare other's life's to mine or be jealous for what others have but sometimes I do. I was looking at a woman's post I went to high school with, she was a nice person and I'm sure still is but she was an average girl in school like me, she wasn't slow or stupid but was average as far as grades or classed taken (not special ed but not honors or college bound) and she went on to I think some trade school to work in an airport I believe taking reservations, I dont know how much money they make but I dont think its a lot of money but the guy she was dating all the way back in 10th grade she is married to for years and they seem to have a wonderful marriage and kids and a nice home and doing well financially, I think he must have gone to school to be an airline pilot and obviously makes good money because she posts pictures of their new home I think in Georgian and it is very nice and they go out to eat, travel etc and I see others from school that seem to have done ok too but I havent. I know now as an older woman I am no brain but average so I probably would never have been a doctor or lawyer or engineer etc and made lots of money and even though I have to admit I have played the lotter a few times the past few years, I know I dont have to be a millionaire to be happy and I am saved so I know going to Heaven is most important but I was more concerned about chasing men and trying to find love in my late teens and early 20's than worried about getting some kind of trade and now I have no career to be financially independent and I dont even know really what to do either. I like to cook and bake but I dont know if I could do it for a living or actually find a job and be able to live on it. I know a lot of people have worked hard for what they hae now as adults and some were born with a lot of brains to easily do well in high school and college and I am not a liberal that believes minimum wage should be raise so high, I know it was meant mainly for college and high school students and when I was younger there were some married woman in the grocery stores that worked daytime to help out their husbands but the husban was the main breadwinner.
My life is not normal or realistic . My husband moved out about 4 years ago but kept the utilities on and paid the mortgage or most of the time. I know people think Im lucky or some kind of leech but I'm not. I'm scared of the future on this earth and how I will make it. My mother lives here and buys the groceries but could have a better life I'm sure living on her own in a senior housing. Living with my mom isnt bad, she is a nice person but it's financial mainly. My mom bought a car about 2 years ago and its a small car and I'm afraid it wont be around much longer and I'm so scared, there is no money to buy another and we really need it to shop and I cant lie, I'm not looking forward to catching 2 buses to and from work plus having a car makes me easier to schedule at work since I can work anytime and any day except thursday and honestly it would be so hard to get to work at 8 am on 2 buses and waking up so early to get ready and walking down the road, the bus stop isnt near my house, right now i''m also overweight and it would really tire me out, I'm tired from walking and standing on my feet for hours at this retail job. Sorry to sound like a wimp or spoiled brad, I'm really not. I caught buses all the time when I was young and before married but I'm 52 now and tired. I dont know if I could go back to school if I knew what to do because I cant quit working which sounds funny because I truly cant live on what I make but I need some money. I cant do healthcare i dont have the stomach for it. I'm not a good typist . I'm not into computers except to go online. I just dont know how I am going to make it.
My mom pays the groceries, my husband was paying morgage and I figured I could try to pay utilities even though that wouldnt last forever obviously. My husband got behind on the mortgage a few times over the years when we were together and so when he gets behind last year I didn't freak out because he always manages to catch up or make some arrangement with mortgage company. Last year he didnt pay for 6 months but said everything was ok but havent seen a bill in a while and about 2 weeks ago started getting ads from law firms to "help" us out so I knew something was up. Then the sheriff came by when I was working and served us with foreclosure papers me and also my husband next door. I feel like a sitting duck about to be shot. He told my mother last week he went to see a lawyer about the foreclosure but didnt say what happened so that makes me nervous. I have a part-time job at a big retail store and make $11 hour and hours arent guaranteed from to week, past month I made less than a $1000 and I'm sorry to be tacky and talk about that but I'm being very real. I'm not a teenage, I cant live on this but there is nothing else without a degree or trade obviously and I dont have any special skills or talents either. I cant afford to pay this mortgage myself and I cant even afford to pay rent for an apartment especially a 3 bedroom one for everyone. My credit is also ruined and would never pass a credit check. Finding a 3 bedroom would need a miracle from God. My house isnt beautiful or cute, it needs work but I think it is livable and I really dont want to move even though I never was in love with this house I dont want to move. I dont want to be homeless. I dont want to lose my kids/teens and mom and live on the street, shelter or even one of these rooms for rent in town, the rooms are BAD, run down, drunks, junkies and other poor people. People try to break into your room, steal stuff who knows what else and you have to share a bathroom with others on your floor, no kitchenettes in rooms. I'm scared of this. Maybe I deserve this? I know I;m no better than other people in the world who live in worse situations but praying we can stay here or financial miracle.
I cant quit this job but I dont love it or can live on it. I need help. I feel alone and helpless. I dont want to be at home all the time, I know that isnt healthy but my life is bad. My kid's lives arent going well, I'm afraid my daught wont graduate next year and I dont know what she is doing when she goes out and when I'm not home. She is 18 years old. My 13 year old son is a monster most of the time, he is really rude, obnoxious, sometimes angry and abusive. He want to play video games and Im afraid he is going to go nowhere when he gets out of school. I dont need my kids to be rich or famous and I dont want them to be worldly but I want them to have some kind of career training so they can be financially and physically independent unlike me. I dont know what is happening with them, we have had a crazy, dysfunctional live the past number of years and me and my husband had a bad marriage from the beginning almost 19 years ago, my kids grew up in the crazy home and I also spoiled them by giving them too much and not punishing them like I should have and their father wasnt around much or isnt around much now even though he lives next door. My husband isnt rich but he isnt poor and he could pay his bills and ours if I believe he wasnt gambling and his girlfriend's adult kids and their significant others moved in with them about 2 years ago and they arent paying him money for the extra food and stuff like they were suppose to. My husband has no mortgage next door. If this house gets auctioned off, my mom can move, my kids can go next door even though it will be tight and no bedroom for them but I have no place to go. I cant even afford a 1 bedroom making what i do. I applied for food stamps in march and got $300 which was for 4 people for a month but not guraranteed for every month because I got a job so I dont know if that would stay or go. Also, welfare needed information from husband because we are still married and bills also in his name but he didnt provide the info so our food stamps didnt continue and medical assistance got cut. I am appealing this and have phone interview next week with judge so prayers all goes well. I cant get utilities in my name because we own a house and I cant get bills in my name unless the balance on current account is paid off and electricity is almost $2000,, gas got cut off so we have no stove to use. Prayers that the water and electricity dont get cut please.
Wish I had a normal life...not evil but normal. prayers that my kids get saved. Prayers I have a home. Prayers my daughter graduates next June.
prayers Danielle and Marcy get saved. Prayers for a vehicle. Prayers for health. Prayers God provides needs for here and family.
