Hopefully getting divorced soon, three years already. Husband unsaved, living with his girlfriend next door, we have two kids. Wish I could leave and move somewhere decent, bad memories and house needs alot of work, it's rundown: floors need replaced, bathroom old; the floor tiles he bought still need put in, bathtub old, peeling wallpapers drywall underneath sift and cracked; no bedroom doors or holes in hollowcore doors that are left, need new front doors, only chain holding front and side door closed. Furniture old, kit hen cabinet burned from fire or some fell off, holes in living room ceiling from previous water leak, water leaking from bathroom sometimes now, pipes in basement make lots of noise when washing machine filling up with water which makes me nervous and ceiling tiles down there were covered with mold or mildew before I threw them out. Sometimes hear creaking noises in walls or sounds like something falling behind walls. Hope nothing happens in future that we can't live here. I have no job or career, I'm older (49), no car at moment, don't know what to do with my life. I need help. I need a career, I need a car to get out and about, I need people to help me get on my feet. I need to know what to do with my life, I can't live on minimum wage, I don't even have that now. Don't know where to apply for jobs, don't know where to go back to school. Healcare isn't for me, I get sick at blood and guts, can't type . I feel completely helpless and useless. I'm just average not slow or a brain. Dont have many to help. I feel literally stuck in this house, only go out to church in Sundays on church bus or grocery shopping with mom and husband or his girlfriend takes us or lends me his car and it takes hours to shop. I don't want to be a bum. Court told us we need a lawyer to get divorced since our divorce isn't considered simple with a house and kids. No money for a lawyer, I don't think he has money either. He offered to keep paying mortgage and e tea $500 for support to help with utilities. I need job to pay rest of utilities, clothes, bus or gas plus car maintenance and any extras for whatever comes up in life good or bad. Only one bus in town. He said I could also take half of child tax credit, two kids, 15 & 10. My credit is ruined. Three years ago I thought I'd have a job now or be in school working toward some career but still no clue what to do. Things I like, cooking, baking or beauty not 9 to 5 jobs for home life, not good at my older age. Trade schools expensive, community college best deal but have no clue what to take that I can do well, get a job and also be home evenings and weekends with kids and actually have some kind of social life. So depressing, scared. Don't know what God wants me to do. Feel like he isn't helping me. Been praying three years and time is running out. I wish I could die and go to Heaven, so sick of feeling helpless and no answers. No good churches around here. My church has a lot of legalistic views and I've never fit in well all these years. What can people do anyway to help as far as choosing a career and helping me get it? It's all on me and God. Time is going by too fast and need something. Prayers God would tell me what to do, I don't have a clue, an indecisive, stubborn, procrastinator, denier, ... I need God to beat me over the head.
