2010 was a terrible year... the most horrible year I could ever have...
Want to know what happened throughout the year?

-My boyfriend broke up with me and we have yet gotten back together (it's been almost 10 months) and I still want us to be together again
-I went through mental therapy
- I failed 3 classes in college
- Mom, dad, and myself went through health problems
- Mom broke out in hives while using the nicotine patch, has re-occuring chest pains, she's STILL smoking cigarettes
- Dad was near death/at death TWICE then revived, we had to take him to the hospital at least more than 8 times this year, twice for emergency surgeries
- I have been sick off and on every 2 weeks from allergies (I am currently under the weather again), flu, I had found a lump on my breast (but it was just loose tissue, but it still hurts and bothers me), had 2 shoulder injuries and had to go through physical therapy for them, I lost a total of 20 pounds this year due to a LOT of stress, and even though I was trying to gain it back, I didn't gain one pound back. I am still going through chronic depression... and I still suffer from on and off thoughts of suicide. Been like that since I was 12, so it's nothing new to me.
- severe financial troubles
- lost a family member last week due to cancer
- one family member was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and she is now walking with a cane due to the cancer in her body
- I have been betrayed immensely by my now former friends who I thought were close to me

I only thank God for 2 things: 1. That my parents are still here. and 2. I haven't managed to kill myself. Trust me... with the over emotional and spiritual attacks I went through... I would have done it. I have been having off and on thoughts of suicide since I was 12... even though I went through therapy, I didn't receive anti-depressants, since I go through chronic depression, which is something that is not really curable by medication, but through the depressed person themselves... and when I try to be better... these things happen... and nothing improves. And I thought my middle school years were bad... me being physically abused every given day... spat on, picked on, getting beaten bloody... That was when I started having suicidal thoughts... we couldn't move because we didn't have the money to do so... so I had to suffer the abuse for 2 straight years. Had been in 3 fist fights one on one... but most was group abuse... groups of 3-4 would jump me, steal from me, beat me up in the hallways... That was when I started having suicidal thoughts... and it's been stuck with me ever since because I have gone through nothing but disappointment... and this year was no different... I wish suicide wasn't wrong to do... I would have done so by now... but thank God I haven't. I wish I could but at the same time I cannot. You know the reason why I can't... Anyway, I'm scared for 2011 since all of these things happened in 2010... I'm still praying for these things... uncertain right now since my faith is very shaky right now, at the verge of giving up on everything (even my life) if they were ever going to be granted... they mean my life:

-Mom to stop smoking for good
-Dad to be completely healthy from all health problems
-(Ex)boyfriend to be saved and for he and I to reunite our relationship and eventually turn it into marriage.
-Graduate college
-Get a kitten or two
-To go to Japan (and hopefully get a summer home there)
-Gain weight (muscle) (I want to gain 35 pounds at least to be a healthy 125; I am 85 lbs., and have muscle tone as well)
-For all of us (mom, dad, myself, and (ex)boyfriend and perhaps the kittens) to be one big happy and healthy family and be together as in-laws, husbands and wives and family.
-better finances

I'm alone and confused... I don't have many friends now... I don't go out or anything, I'm always stuck at home. It's hard waiting for a desire that might never be granted, you know? But I want it to be granted so bad... like you don't have any idea how much this could mean to me... I also want my mom to stop smoking... and my dad's health problems to go away too... i feel that's not working out so much either. It's like mom smokes more and makes more excuses not to quit... and my dad starts feeling weaker and emotional and more forgetful. Like he actually forgot how many days are in this month now. He doesn't even know his own home phone number now and we tell it to him more than once... He even asked me what something said on the cake box he had so he could make a cake... but it was in Spanish... And since my dad was in the Army, he knew some Spanish... and now he forgot was it was. He forgets what certain words' spelling (and they are basic words)... He's starting to forget a lot of basic and common things now... like he's getting more senile... I don't know if it could be Alzheimer's or it could be all of the medication he's taking for his health... I don't know... it's starting to worry me a lot too... I'm driving myself nuts for worrying about all of this, but I cannot seem to get a break or even a sign of hope from God at all. I ask and I pray and I ask and I pray... and nothing happens and everything is getting far worse... Like I said, I can thank God that I haven't killed myself this year.

I just want things better in 2011... I want to have my desires granted... I prayed for my desires to be granted before this year is out, but nothing seemed to happen at all, so now I have to push it back... but do I have to keep pushing things back over and over? If not, how long until things improve? I'm lost and things have not gone up and forward at all this year and this makes me scared for 2011... like nothing will happen like this year... and this make me sad and worried.

Please God... I'm begging you... let 2011 be better than this year... because this year was very depressing. I thank You for getting me through this year without me having to hurt myself. And yes I'm still praying for my desires to be granted... like You have promised to me... I almost didn't know what my resolution was because I do not seem to know the point of making resolutions, knowing they will be broken... but my resolution and only resolution is to keep praying for these desires to be granted. That's all. I just hope these things come to pass soon in 2011... that's all I ask You Lord... For me to keep praying for these things as a resolution and as a way of saying "I know my desires and I will not stop fighting for them until I die, or until they ARE granted to me."

God Bless the rest of you and have a happy new Year... I just hope mine will be happy... I can never seem to make it that way.

~Mel-S

"Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name;
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil."

Mel-S Wrote:2010 was a terrible year... the most horrible year I could ever have...
Want to know what happened throughout the year?

-My boyfriend broke up with me and we have yet gotten back together (it's been almost 10 months) and I still want us to be together again
-I went through mental therapy
- I failed 3 classes in college
- Mom, dad, and myself went through health problems
- Mom broke out in hives while using the nicotine patch, has re-occuring chest pains, she's STILL smoking cigarettes
- Dad was near death/at death TWICE then revived, we had to take him to the hospital at least more than 8 times this year, twice for emergency surgeries
- I have been sick off and on every 2 weeks from allergies (I am currently under the weather again), flu, I had found a lump on my breast (but it was just loose tissue, but it still hurts and bothers me), had 2 shoulder injuries and had to go through physical therapy for them, I lost a total of 20 pounds this year due to a LOT of stress, and even though I was trying to gain it back, I didn't gain one pound back. I am still going through chronic depression... and I still suffer from on and off thoughts of suicide. Been like that since I was 12, so it's nothing new to me.
- severe financial troubles
- lost a family member last week due to cancer
- one family member was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and she is now walking with a cane due to the cancer in her body
- I have been betrayed immensely by my now former friends who I thought were close to me

I only thank God for 2 things: 1. That my parents are still here. and 2. I haven't managed to kill myself. Trust me... with the over emotional and spiritual attacks I went through... I would have done it. I have been having off and on thoughts of suicide since I was 12... even though I went through therapy, I didn't receive anti-depressants, since I go through chronic depression, which is something that is not really curable by medication, but through the depressed person themselves... and when I try to be better... these things happen... and nothing improves. And I thought my middle school years were bad... me being physically abused every given day... spat on, picked on, getting beaten bloody... That was when I started having suicidal thoughts... we couldn't move because we didn't have the money to do so... so I had to suffer the abuse for 2 straight years. Had been in 3 fist fights one on one... but most was group abuse... groups of 3-4 would jump me, steal from me, beat me up in the hallways... That was when I started having suicidal thoughts... and it's been stuck with me ever since because I have gone through nothing but disappointment... and this year was no different... I wish suicide wasn't wrong to do... I would have done so by now... but thank God I haven't. I wish I could but at the same time I cannot. You know the reason why I can't... Anyway, I'm scared for 2011 since all of these things happened in 2010... I'm still praying for these things... uncertain right now since my faith is very shaky right now, at the verge of giving up on everything (even my life) if they were ever going to be granted... they mean my life:

-Mom to stop smoking for good
-Dad to be completely healthy from all health problems
-(Ex)boyfriend to be saved and for he and I to reunite our relationship and eventually turn it into marriage.
-Graduate college
-Get a kitten or two
-To go to Japan (and hopefully get a summer home there)
-Gain weight (muscle) (I want to gain 35 pounds at least to be a healthy 125; I am 85 lbs., and have muscle tone as well)
-For all of us (mom, dad, myself, and (ex)boyfriend and perhaps the kittens) to be one big happy and healthy family and be together as in-laws, husbands and wives and family.
-better finances

I'm alone and confused... I don't have many friends now... I don't go out or anything, I'm always stuck at home. It's hard waiting for a desire that might never be granted, you know? But I want it to be granted so bad... like you don't have any idea how much this could mean to me... I also want my mom to stop smoking... and my dad's health problems to go away too... i feel that's not working out so much either. It's like mom smokes more and makes more excuses not to quit... and my dad starts feeling weaker and emotional and more forgetful. Like he actually forgot how many days are in this month now. He doesn't even know his own home phone number now and we tell it to him more than once... He even asked me what something said on the cake box he had so he could make a cake... but it was in Spanish... And since my dad was in the Army, he knew some Spanish... and now he forgot was it was. He forgets what certain words' spelling (and they are basic words)... He's starting to forget a lot of basic and common things now... like he's getting more senile... I don't know if it could be Alzheimer's or it could be all of the medication he's taking for his health... I don't know... it's starting to worry me a lot too... I'm driving myself nuts for worrying about all of this, but I cannot seem to get a break or even a sign of hope from God at all. I ask and I pray and I ask and I pray... and nothing happens and everything is getting far worse... Like I said, I can thank God that I haven't killed myself this year.

I just want things better in 2011... I want to have my desires granted... I prayed for my desires to be granted before this year is out, but nothing seemed to happen at all, so now I have to push it back... but do I have to keep pushing things back over and over? If not, how long until things improve? I'm lost and things have not gone up and forward at all this year and this makes me scared for 2011... like nothing will happen like this year... and this make me sad and worried.

Please God... I'm begging you... let 2011 be better than this year... because this year was very depressing. I thank You for getting me through this year without me having to hurt myself. And yes I'm still praying for my desires to be granted... like You have promised to me... I almost didn't know what my resolution was because I do not seem to know the point of making resolutions, knowing they will be broken... but my resolution and only resolution is to keep praying for these desires to be granted. That's all. I just hope these things come to pass soon in 2011... that's all I ask You Lord... For me to keep praying for these things as a resolution and as a way of saying "I know my desires and I will not stop fighting for them until I die, or until they ARE granted to me."

God Bless the rest of you and have a happy new Year... I just hope mine will be happy... I can never seem to make it that way.

~Mel-S

father!!! set this person free from all problems & fulfill all her desires in this coming year2011 in Jesus name amen...

Dear Havenly Father The Kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven forgive us are sin as we for give are debtor and lead us not into temptiation but deliver us from evil Please answer this person prayer acord to your will and bless there life Lord and we give you all the honor,glory, and priase to whom all power belong. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN

Please continue to pray for me and my family... please pray for my desires to be granted this upcoming 2011. It was very very hard for me... Inside and outside. I really appreciate the prayers.

Father, there are so many things that impact our young woman today. Some of them hurt so much and seem so out of control. Others seem unfair and from the perspective of the young heartless and uncaring...and yet within them all there is a plan...YOUR plan for our lives, and the lessons we must learn to find contentment. Father I pray that you would gently lead Mel in 2011 to the things which you know will bring her contentment. I pray that you would speak to her heart of the plans that you have for her and that you would touch in a way that brings joy into her life. I ask that you would lift her depression so that she can see the road ahead without the pain and gray vision that depression brings...that you would ease the burdens that she is carrying. Replace her worry with reassurance, her disappointment with a full desire to follow your guidance. Bring into her life peace and kindness from friends who know the Savior in a real and meaningful way...who have weathered their own storms and know what the rainbow at the end of a life storm looks and feels like. Father, heal her emotions that she might function in the fullness of your love and in your peace. In your love for her bring to her a mature woman in Christ that can disciple her and help her to mature Spiritually. Father focus her intellect that she might be able to complete her education and build a solid future for herself. Father, help her in every area of need that 2011 might be a year of growth, of maturing, of love and peace...and Father in your kindness...prosper her and her family that they may know stability in an unstable world. Open Mel's eyes to the truth you would have her to know about your ways of teaching us...and help her to learn to look up...not in desperation of immediate remedy but rather in complete surrender to your direction...help her to listen and to hear your voice that her cup may run over with your goodness all the days of her life beginning this year. In the precious name of Jesus...Amen!

AMEN!

adoring1 Wrote:Father, there are so many things that impact our young woman today. Some of them hurt so much and seem so out of control. Others seem unfair and from the perspective of the young heartless and uncaring...and yet within them all there is a plan...YOUR plan for our lives, and the lessons we must learn to find contentment. Father I pray that you would gently lead Mel in 2011 to the things which you know will bring her contentment. I pray that you would speak to her heart of the plans that you have for her and that you would touch in a way that brings joy into her life. I ask that you would lift her depression so that she can see the road ahead without the pain and gray vision that depression brings...that you would ease the burdens that she is carrying. Replace her worry with reassurance, her disappointment with a full desire to follow your guidance. Bring into her life peace and kindness from friends who know the Savior in a real and meaningful way...who have weathered their own storms and know what the rainbow at the end of a life storm looks and feels like. Father, heal her emotions that she might function in the fullness of your love and in your peace. In your love for her bring to her a mature woman in Christ that can disciple her and help her to mature Spiritually. Father focus her intellect that she might be able to complete her education and build a solid future for herself. Father, help her in every area of need that 2011 might be a year of growth, of maturing, of love and peace...and Father in your kindness...prosper her and her family that they may know stability in an unstable world. Open Mel's eyes to the truth you would have her to know about your ways of teaching us...and help her to learn to look up...not in desperation of immediate remedy but rather in complete surrender to your direction...help her to listen and to hear your voice that her cup may run over with your goodness all the days of her life beginning this year. In the precious name of Jesus...Amen!

Today I have done nothing but sleep all day... It's 7:25pm here and I just woke up from sleeping. I haven't even eaten breakfast because I didn't know I would wake up THIS late... I feel like sleeping this last day of 2010 away. I don't really have a New Years Resolution because every time I try to make one, I break it the next day. So my resolution is to not make one at all.

The only thing I want to keep doing is keep praying for my desires to be granted this 2011... 2010 has been nothing but trouble and I am so glad it's finally ending... but to me right now, 2011 is nothing but trying to pick up the pieces that 2010 has broken and shattered for me, not to start over or start anew. Please Lord, take my troubles away... and fulfill my desires this 2011... they mean my life and as you can see, I am nothing without them now. I've been battered emotionally and mentally... like my life isn't worth anything right now... all I really want are the desires of my heart fulfilled... they are not sinful at all, as I'm praying for the people I love more than I am even praying for myself. Without those 3 people (mom, dad, and my exboyfriend), I don't have anyone. Literally I do not. So please Lord... I feel alone with these people... Please fulfill my desires this 2011... I just hope this year goes well because 2010 was nothing but trouble and Hell on Earth for me, mentally and emotionally... In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

And happy new year to the rest of you here.

~Mel-S

Mel-S Wrote:Today I have done nothing but sleep all day... It's 7:25pm here and I just woke up from sleeping. I haven't even eaten breakfast because I didn't know I would wake up THIS late... I feel like sleeping this last day of 2010 away. I don't really have a New Years Resolution because every time I try to make one, I break it the next day. So my resolution is to not make one at all.

The only thing I want to keep doing is keep praying for my desires to be granted this 2011... 2010 has been nothing but trouble and I am so glad it's finally ending... but to me right now, 2011 is nothing but trying to pick up the pieces that 2010 has broken and shattered for me, not to start over or start anew. Please Lord, take my troubles away... and fulfill my desires this 2011... they mean my life and as you can see, I am nothing without them now. I've been battered emotionally and mentally... like my life isn't worth anything right now... all I really want are the desires of my heart fulfilled... they are not sinful at all, as I'm praying for the people I love more than I am even praying for myself. Without those 3 people (mom, dad, and my exboyfriend), I don't have anyone. Literally I do not. So please Lord... I feel alone with these people... Please fulfill my desires this 2011... I just hope this year goes well because 2010 was nothing but trouble and Hell on Earth for me, mentally and emotionally... In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

And happy new year to the rest of you here.

~Mel-S

child of God, you are never alone and God never wastes a wilderness experience. Someday we will understand all these trials but for today we question. I pray that you will walk through this psalm 23 and have victory. You are more than a conquerer by Christ Jesus. I know it doesn't feel like it but you are. I suggest that you make time for daily bible reading because that will build up your sould and also confidence. Unless the Lord builds the house they labour in vain who build it. I have great hope for you as you face these hard days. I know that our God is for us. Who than can be against us, of whom shall we be afraid. I have had much suffering in my life, Jesus is my only hope for a bright future. Jermiah says that I know the plans I have for you, not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future. Trust these words, they are for you personally. Bless you child.