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renewal , guidance , testimony , in need of prayer and venting - lucia - 05-10-2015 05:42 AM
a year ago , I was saved . before that time , I struggled with insecurity , depression , influence from others that led me to struggle majorly with lust and all of the things that come with it and I was also a really big cusser , gossiped , I lied , I cheated , I was disrespectful , i self harmed , I was completely broken . as a 14 year old girl , that was very embarrassing to me and when the time came to mark down our sons on that slip of paper and repent , I hesitated . but I did it , and god set me free . however , I did not and still am not baptized . but for about 4 months , I was completely on fire for The Lord . he blessede with the spiritual gift of mercy and I was helping to bring others to the cross to follow jesus , and I was filled with this overwhelming sense of joy that only god gives . I was on a roll until I had to move from Arizona after 7 years living there . I came here , to Rhode Island , and everything crashed and burned . I lost my sensitivity to the Holy Spirit , my parents marriage hit a road bump , I had no friends , I met a boy . two boys . the enemy attacked me through them and I fell back into lust . i knew it was wrong , and every time I did something I would pray for forgiveness and then feel fine . but I was deteriorating my spiritual growth with god and I felt it . I would try to push guy #2 , who was 18 and not a christian , out of my life because I knew that was keeping me from growing and allowing me to fall back into past sin and was just wrong all around . my parents had no idea about him . i was just in this repetitive cycle of sin that I left behind at the cross . I was in a realm of spiritual dryness . I decided around March of this year that it was time to stop once and for all . so I kept trying to get out of that relationship through excuses that said nothing about god because I was afraid of what he might say . and of course it didn't work , I would crawl back to him because i had crawled away from god . but every time I would sin , god was the fort thing on my mind . that continued until just about a week ago , when I attended a conference , was in the presence of the Holy Spirit for the first time in forever , I repented again , I recovered an anointing and my soul was set on fire through praise and worship , I cried out to god truly and he heard me . just he day after , out of his goodness he worked a miracle and I wake up to find out my dad had come back to the house . school was not a dread . I am happy . I told the boy the REAL reason why I had to be away from him . and he understood . I am so grateful . and I realized that I needed to get this out and tell it to someone . I also need to get baptized as soon as I can . so what I ask from my brothers and sisters in Christ , is that you wpuld pray for me and keeping those giants of lust and sexual immorality and insecurity out of my life , gossip and lies from my lips , and for spiritual renewal , because I truly truly desire more than anything to be completely on fire for The Lord again , for the Holy Spirit to be heavily present in my life again , for a continual change . for gods wisdom and guidance , and also that he would reveal to me his purpose for me . thank you very very much .