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Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Mel-S - 05-18-2011 08:04 AM
Been a loooong time since I posted a request here...
Okay you may not believe this or see this from me... but I have officially given up on my ex-boyfriend... yes, it's about time I can hear from you guys. Reason why is one: I've looked back and seen all the pain I've been through... And I've been through so much pain that I almost killed myself. So with that and him dating my former friend, I can say I'm done with him. I don't want him anymore... yet when I look back at the pain, I end up crying again... I don't want to be hurt like that anymore...
The other reason: ...I am falling for another guy. One who I have known just as long as my ex. We've hung out, had good times together, and seems like perfect boyfriend material! He even has admiration for me as well!
...Here's the problem though... He has feelings for another girl. More than for me. He's known the girl for longer than he's known for me. And he's falling for her... even though he knows I do love him... he told me he doesn't want to turn his back on the girl he loves (the girl knows he loves her but I do not know if she loves him back as much) for the girl he likes/admires (me)... He says he doesn't want to be the one to hurt me since I am and I quote "a caring, kind, wonderful woman such as [my]self." He says any man who may come after me (he's not my boyfriend, but he does admire me to be more than a friend) deserves all the love I can give them. And that I deserve any man that may come for me as well. He wanted me to promise to not let anything hurt me like that (ex boyfriend) ever again. Because he told me if I hurt I will fall. And if I hurt too much I'll fall so hard I'll never get up from it... He told me he cannot believe my ex would hurt me... or why he would hurt me like that because I don't deserve to be hurt like that. He told me my ex is missing out on something amazing: me. ...I cried a bit when he told me that. He wiped my tears from my face and said "don't cry. Don't ever cry in front of me. One: because it'll make you look bad and you deserve not to cry. And two: it'll make ME look bad if the girl decides to be my girlfriend and leave you alone since you do have feelings for me... and I don't want to be the one to hurt you..." He also told me he wished he knew me longer than the girl he wants to be with... otherwise things would be different...Me and the guy (his name is Anthony) is a great friend of mine and I've known him for 5-6 years. He did tell me one thing though... if all else fails (meaning if the girl does not want him or he gave up on the girl because it's taking forever), then he'll come to me and officially ask me to be his girlfriend. Which he has a bit of a glimmer for me. He does have great admiration for me... and he's says I'm doing well gaining his interests little by little... Here's another thing... him and the girl he's falling for (Amber) have between now and this time next year to know whether they will be together or not. Should I wait for this guy to know if he'll get the girl or me? ...Or should I not...? He's a great guy. Handsome too. And a great friend. We're very close... we even kissed every time we saw each other... ...I know this could sound off but... I want your prayers for us to cross paths to be each other's soulmates and companions someday... But if he gets Amber and not me... I'll keep my promise to Anthony and will not get hurt (at least THAT bad) by this. What's so sweet about it is that he said if he does have me to be his girlfriend, he'll NEVER hurt me as bad as my ex Carlos did. He still cannot believe he put me through that much pain and that he doesn't deserve me if he were to hurt me like Carlos did, which he will not because he says he'll never hurt me nor leave my side... But the thing is he's falling hard for Amber. And he's sticking with the girl he loves than the girl he likes. He's committed to her even though he's not in a relationship with her which is a good thing. But the thing is I really love this guy. My friends are telling me not to give up on this guy and see where this goes between now and next year. They told me things can change and that he'll have me. But can that really happen even though his feelings for me are not mutual as of yet?
I really need advice and prayers for this... Please pray/give me advice on what I should do and go from here... Thanks.
~Mel-S
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - admin - 05-18-2011 08:38 AM
Mel it's good to see you back again.
My advice to you is to find a good Christian man so that you will not be unequally yolked. I don't know if Anthony is a Christian or not, but you really need to find a good Christian man if Anthony is not one. I would not wait around for Anthony either unless God tells you to. There are a lot of people in this world and to wait and hope for one man who loves another woman but is kissing you might not be such a good idea. In the end it's possible that you will be hurt by him if he chooses her and you wasted time waiting around for him. I pray that God will lead/guide you to a good Christian man who will be faithful and will love you with the love that you deserve.
Yours in Christ,
Steve
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Mel-S - 05-18-2011 08:41 AM
(05-18-2011 08:38 AM)admin Wrote: Mel it's good to see you back again.
My advice to you is to find a good Christian man so that you will not be unequally yolked. I don't know if Anthony is a Christian or not, but you really need to find a good Christian man if Anthony is not one. I would not wait around for Anthony either unless God tells you to. There are a lot of people in this world and to wait and hope for one man who loves another woman but is kissing you might not be such a good idea. In the end it's possible that you will be hurt by him if he chooses her and you wasted time waiting around for him. I pray that God will lead/guide you to a good Christian man who will be faithful and will love you with the love that you deserve.
Yours in Christ,
Steve
He is a Christian, Steve.
Still he still has feelings for me nonetheless even though they're not completely mutual.
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Guest - 05-18-2011 05:48 PM
Mel, I'm glad you were able to release your old bfriend/ex fiance. You write with clarity & especially for someone your age, you come across as a very sweet/caring/nurturing person, who needs to find a man that totally appreciates & reciprocates this.
Dating can be a very fun time because you are not yet commited, making friendships, both male & female. Sharing who you are in JESUS, at the same time growing in many ways.
If you can, soak up All of the goodness you are recieving from those you are around, this man, others that are your friends. Keep boundaries very clear & you will build upon your friendship base.
Mel, you have wonderful, caring, Godly parents & you too can be that becon for others & the compliments this man gave you, believe it, as I'm sure you do.. Bible says, "be still & know that I am God."
I'm So happy to hear that you are finally around some friends/ dating those that see your goodness. Love is in giving... God Is Love.
It's not easy to let go of a love.. (your ex bfriend) BUT when they are not into it & have no desire to be with you, letting go is then opening that door back up for ourselves. Rejecting & being rejected is a part of dating.. When one keeps personal boundaries in place, The Lord #1, it is like a ladder to Heaven.. GOD BLESS YOU & BIG HUGS!
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Guest - 05-18-2011 06:55 PM
God is not the author of confussion. You sound really insecure. I would never play second fiddle to any man. I think that Steve gave you sound advice. Look to Jesus and he will grant you the desire of your heart. You want and need the love of a husband and the one God chooses for you will be the best for you. Your request also sounds that you are a desperate woman. Be confident and self secure. Then you will be admired and respected. Love will follow. This may seem harsh. I simply wish to speak the truth in love from a sincere heart who wants nothing less than the best God has for you. If you feel the need to defend yourself than look deeper into your heart. I did not mean to offend.
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Guest - 05-18-2011 08:49 PM
I think this post below is harsh & Mel is a Christian woman & she is seeking advice. One does not need to put someone down in a case like this. I believe she is needing lifted up right now. Playing second in love is not ever of God but I think Mel is trying in her life to move on. She is asking for advice.
(05-18-2011 06:55 PM)Guest Wrote: God is not the author of confussion. You sound really insecure. I would never play second fiddle to any man. I think that Steve gave you sound advice. Look to Jesus and he will grant you the desire of your heart. You want and need the love of a husband and the one God chooses for you will be the best for you. Your request also sounds that you are a desperate woman. Be confident and self secure. Then you will be admired and respected. Love will follow. This may seem harsh. I simply wish to speak the truth in love from a sincere heart who wants nothing less than the best God has for you. If you feel the need to defend yourself than look deeper into your heart. I did not mean to offend.
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - AJsjoy - 05-18-2011 09:25 PM
Hey lady, I've spent a year and a half waiting on a man. It will destroy you. Tell this guy you respect his feelings and tell him you can't put yourself through this. Then let him know you are going to move on. Now this will either make him think about what he might lose if he let's you go or will help him to focus on the other girl. He needs to know you are a good catch and finding the man God has for you is most important. I will pray for God's will in your life. That's the only true joy you will find. God Bless
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Chris8 - 05-19-2011 02:21 AM
Dear Lord,please help her to know Your will about all these. Please give her wisdom.
You are the King of kings and Your Name is Wonderful.
Thank You my Lord.
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Mel-S - 05-19-2011 12:14 PM
Hey guys. It seemed to me that my request of advice is a little unclear. The guy is not my boyfriend yet. I've already waited for a year on my exboyfriend before so I think I can handle the waiting game again. Also the guy does have admiration for me so his feelings for me are clear, but not mutual as of yet. But slowly I am seeming to gain his interests. Him and I are planning another date next week so yes a second date is in the books as we speak. So now me and him can talk and hang a bit more.
Pray for us to be together soon. He seems like a great guy. ~Mel-S
RE: Long time coming... You won't believe this. - Guest - 05-20-2011 08:42 AM
You were very clear, you are compromising who you are for what you want. If he is interested in more than one person at the same time, then he is messing with your head. No one can serve two masters. Wake up and smell the coffee. This will hurt you, guarenteed. Move on as suggested by others responding to your request. Are we just a sounding borad or did you really want help here. You will do what you want anyway and that is childish.