Please be in deep prayer for me. I feel as though I am in a rut that I cannot pull myself out of. As I have posted before, I have a big lack of faith when it comes to asking the Lord for Him to send me the right one--the man He wants me to eventually date and marry. However, I just feel dead in general. I don't know if I'm going through a bout of depression--honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was. I went through a more severe depression earlier this spring when I was fighting with someone who I thought was a friend and when things went down on my "relationship" (for lack of a better word...perhaps courtship?). I don't even feel alive sometimes...I continue to teach Sunday school, but our church has fallen on some hard times and although some people think that the spirit has changed in our church for the better, I'm still rather pessimistic.

I just feel as though I am empty somehow--I mean, I know that the Lord is with me and that He still loves me, but He feels so far away. Certain things in my life have not gone right and I'm attempting not to care, but I think I am harboring a lot of anger. It has gotten to a point where I just cannot cry any more or be livid...I'm just spiritually drained from everything. I hate feeling this way and I know that is a dangerous place to be in life when you are numb to the things of the Lord or when you feel this way. I think that's how I felt honestly before the trials started in my life beginning a year and a half ago.

I just feel "done"...done with life. Now, I am not contemplating anything drastic, so please do not fret about that. I am just really worried about my spiritual condition. I think there are things that I have done that are not right and I've gotten angry when I should not have, etc. I just need some help. It's difficult for me to pray--it's worse than a chore. I'll think I need to pray about something or I'll be asked and agree to pray, but if I do (and that's stressing if) it's a short and sweet prayer. I have prayed some more in-depth prayers and have had conversations with the Lord, but it is still very difficult to me. I felt the need to stress this, because I do not know what I need to hear that I'm not hearing or what I need to see that I'm not seeing. Something needs to change though--I do not want the Lord's judgement on me for not getting out of this rut...it's almost as though I feel like an enemic christian.

Thank you for the prayers, both past and present.

Sincerely,

Lost Love