Update--

I sincerely need prayers for me...I don't mean to be selfish, but it's true. I have been somewhat angry at the Lord--at least I'm fairly certain that's what's been. Lately, I find it difficult to pray...I mean, I can pray over my meals and once in awhile I can pray for others, but I have really struggled to be in deep prayer with the Lord. Now, I'm not justifying my anger--I realize that it is a sin and have known ever since I have identified it. I just need prayer to get over it--I think I've been angry because I didn't get what I wanted...I felt like my prayers for the ONE had been answered when my friend first walked into my life and I know much differently. I am not holding out hope for him, praise the Lord (that's a heavy weight off of my chest that I wish I had gotten rid of long ago), but now I am almost afraid to ask the Lord to send me the One. I want the Lord to bring him to me, but I'm almost afraid that He'll say no...it's stupid and childish. My pastor actually preached on the Lord being a match maker and that we should ask Him to send us that so that we don't have to endure the heartaches of worldly dating. The next day I heard a similar sermon on the television and I'm certain that it wasn't a coincidence.

However, I am still hesitent...my mom and I were talking Sunday night and she said that she recently read a book that suggested that sometimes the Lord wants us to ask Him what to pray for, because He wants to answer those prayers. I have nothing to fear, but I do--like I said, I think I'm angry--there's some wall. I've also been far more negative--I keep saying that I won't find anyone, that it'll never happen or that I've given up. I want to believe that the Lord has someone to bring to me--that He wants to bring the One into my life. I don't want any more possibilities...I want what God would have me to have, because in all honesty I think that the Lord would only have me to have One person...so why waste time with those who are NOT who He would have for me?

Please...I just need prayer. I need prayer for strength, for a soft heart to listen to the Lord and to have the boldness to ask for what He seems to want to give me.

Thank you.

Lost Love77