I've been pretty torn up lately, but I think I'm finally attempting to move on from this. I'm going to start going back to lunch this week--I think it would be best to face the issue head-on rather than how I have been...avoiding it. Sooner or later, I have to admit to myself that my friend has moved on and this is probably the best way to do it. I don't know that I will ask him to do things with just me and him anymore--not because I don't want to be his friend, but because his girlfriend would probably end up tagging along. She tags along with his other friend and unlike her, I do not have a boyfriend and being someone's third wheel is not my type of fun. Therefore, I think that we can have group events together amongst all my friends and that way, if she's there, it won't be so bad. I figure if he really wants to hang out with me, he'll make an effort.

I'm really scared though. I just stopped praying one day about getting the love of my life--first, it was because I had it. My friend really made me happy once and now that it's that time of year again, a lot of those memories are rushing back and I wish I would have enjoyed that time more than I did. Second, I just don't know that I'll get it. I say I want to be alone, because I am really hurt--it upsets me to think of being with someone else, because I wonder if they will like me and then change their feelings. It seems that I have been friend-zoned since I was a child and I wasn't open to anyone. This experience was the first for me--it did allow me to open up and make a new friend, but I was also burned pretty bad.

I want someone to love me and be someone I can love back--someone who loves the Lord and who will treat me special and make me feel the way I used to with my friend. I'm scared of being used because I feel so vunerable--but at the same time, I don't want to be lonely forever. I'm pretty--smart, kind--somewhat conceited (lol..a little humor)...I just wish God would send me the person I am supposed to be with. I used to pray for it every night--now I'm scared to ask.