adoring1 Wrote:Father, help this woman to understand that this friend is a very immature man...and more red flags are presenting. Why is it that all of his friends are woman? While this "girlfriend" may not be handling things with him well, no woman would feel secure in a relationship if all of the friends in his life were women. A man that is mature understands this and changes the way that he interacts with other woman when he moves into a committed relationship. Putting a man first after God requires that he do the same...and that means letting go of friendships that his woman is uncomfortable with. While his interaction with you has been above board...if you were his girlfriend how would you feel if all of his friendship time was spent in the company of other women? I share this because it is important that you be balanced in your perceptions of this situation. I think that you are looking at this "girlfriend" through the eyes of your feelings for this man, without considering that his own behavior/choices may indeed be contributing to stress in his relationship. When we choose to be in exclusive relationships with others...they need to BE exclusive to allow the relationship to grow in a healthy way. Does that mean that we cannot have friends? No that is not what that means...but it is highly unusual when a young man has no male friends with whom he fellowships regularly and instead they are all female.

One of the things that I discern is that this man is not ready for a relationship with ANYONE as this type of interaction would make any woman feel uncomfortable. Consider this...you are happy to be spending time with him, but if you were writing your own script for the situation...I think you will agree...you would be the girlfriend in the picture...and I am certain some of his other "friends" feel the same way. A "girlfriend" picks up on such things because of the way woman who are interested in a man act. How would you feel under the same conditions? I would not be so quick to judge her as this type of behavior is not appropriate for any man who wants a committed relationship...and suggests that he simply enjoys the attention of a lot of different woman. This is NOT the model for Christian dating... Consider these things as they are not the character traits that make for a good mate, In Jesus name...Amen!

I hope that this doesn't offend you. I completely understand where you are coming from in what you have said...it used to upset me about his friendships. However, from what I have seen, he has been somewhat abandoned by his male friends. Most of them got married and then stopped speaking with him, probably because their own families came first. His interactions with me have been appropriate (neither he nor I have been flirtacious) and I do understand where this girlfriend may be coming from...but my friend has no intentions with the other friends. He speaks of his best friend (the one that I no longer associate with due to her actions) in a very lovely way, but he has no romantic interest in her. I believe he's told me the truth and I think he has a wholesome love relationship with her.

I still find her actions disturbing, because he would have no one to associate with--she barely knows him and she seems to act like she is happy with the idea of being in love rather than loving him.

Please understand, I am not trying to pick a fight and I do not write in anger. I am merely trying to explain the situation so that you may better understand why. I think it's one of those things that is unique...he is a very unique person and I understand why you would say the things that you have said, but I do not believe that he does so to get the attention of a ton of women...I think that is how his life has ended up. He expresses how he wished that he had guy friends (he grew up in a large family of all boys) and how girls don't typically understand how he feels. I think he's trying to make strides, but I don't know that the Lord has brought to him the male friends he would have him to have.

Does any of this make sense? I understand if you are not pursuaded and I do understand why you would say the things you have stated, but I think it's hard to explain unless you're in the situation...you know? From what my friend has said, she practically threw herself at him after knowing him for two days and he felt pressured into asking her out--I think they are both in it for the wrong reasons and I do not think that this person is bringing him much happiness. He's been avoidant of her.

I do agree...he has a lot of maturing to do. I don't think that he is ready for a relationship of any kind and I completely agree with you in that aspect. I also think his girlfriend is not ready...she is very demanding, very immature and much younger than him. And...I'm not just saying that because I have feelings for him. I think that they need to end it before things get ugly.

I hope that I haven't been offensive. I'm not trying to pick a fight. As I have said before, I just wanted to explain why I think the way I do and from the viewpoint of the situation. And...if you disagree, I understand--we can agree that he does need saved--it doesn't matter much about all the relationship stuff. I think it is of Satan at this point, because no girl will be right for him until he finds the Lord. I think that that is what he is searching for, why he is so empty and seeking female attention. I just want to continue to be his friend and see him won to Christ--I'm not here to ruin his relationships (I know how painful it is to be the girl, like his girlfriend, and to wonder what he's doing with all these women...I don't wish to hurt her, manipulate or do anything detrimental.) And, I'm not saying that you were saying all of this--I'm just expressing where I stand. I really am not angry and I don't want the tone of this replay to seem as such. But, please pray for him--to get saved. We cannot control that--only the Lord can, although the choice is ultimately up to my friend. I don't see him not getting saved, but I understand that he has that choice. Just pray that I can be a better light than I have. I'm tired of focusing on a relationship with him or what he has with other women--neither of which are truly important. The fact is, he's on his way to hell as well as a lifetime filled with heartache in not knowing the Lord. The Lord has opened other doors and I am hoping that it will prepare me to witness to him, if the Lord deems as such.

He just doesn't seem to have much--he has nothing without Christ. I don't want him to suffer any more, and although we suffer as christians, that suffering has purpose, a reason. His suffering is all in vain. I just want him to be saved and focus on the Lord rather than on a relationship--I want us to be friends in Christ, because frankly, I cannot be bonded in this way--I have nothing to say about men or what I think of them...nothing significant. I don't want to be bonded in an earthly manner--it would be so awesome if he knew the Lord and we would be bonded even just as friends in that way...we could pray together, talk about the Lord--I could see him grow.

It's ultimately up to the Lord whether or not this happens...I wish for all of my friends to be saved and I do see Him working in their lives as well--I just need to be a better witness, allow the Lord to work through me rather than me working for the Lord (the Spirit v. the flesh).

Again, I hope you haven't been offended. I am not angry...although, I think I've gone on quite the tanget. lol I think this has been therapeutic, being able to talk to someone and get my feelings out there. I have another Christian friend that I talk to and some people at church, as well as my family. The Lord has given a lot of support during this--and I appreciate you for keeping in touch, for thinking to pray for me and taking the time to listen. Thank you for everything.

Sincerely,
Lost Love