Okay...as my daddy used to say...this is where the rubber meets the road...I firmly believe that you need to back off of this young man for a time PERIOD. While I may be a little blunt...I do so in love that you might clearly look at some things about this circumstance. Your feelings are far more involved than they should be with his current situation...and even though you say to me...and also to yourself you have accepted that this is just friendship...which you may have done in your head...you have not in your heart is what I discern. Believe it or not, I say this not for only that reason, but because of the way that he is treating you. He is using you as a distraction...(my brother used to do this with many of his female friends) . I say that because in your previous post you said something about him having a good time after he bailed on you today ...which I took to mean he had made other plans...and didn't even bother to tell you until you were trying to find out where you would meet. That is disrespectful of you and frankly unacceptable for anyone. You do not have to be a girlfriend to be treated with greater respect than that! The message that he is sending is he will hang out with you unless he finds something that he feels is more interesting or better to do. By apologizing to him...you are conditioning him to believe that this is okay behavior...and simply put it is not. He should be apologizing to you for being so selfish and inconsiderate. Further...if you were not angry you should have been...as this was extremely unkind. Being angry is NOT a sin. Acting in a heartless way because of anger is. Sweet girl...this man knows you like him (more than just a friend)...and he is using that to his advantage and being rude and inconsiderate. As a daughter of Christ you deserve better from ANYONE including a friend. Do I think he will reach out to you?...Yes when he is not busy doing something else with someone else...and I hope at some point that this will become very unattractive to you! You cannot lose something you do not have...and you do not have the same level of commitment from him as a friend...as you are giving to him!

I am not led by the Holy Spirit to pray that he does not fade away...because I do not think that this is healthy for you to be dealing with in this manner...but I will not pray for him TO go away either. That is up to God...and I believe that God is trying to grow you up a bit when it comes to men through this experience. I pray that the will of God be done in this situation. God will raise up whomever he wishes to witness to this young man...even if he does not know other Christians that you are aware of...and I truly believe that your feelings for him despite your willingness to witness are creating a potential for a great deal of hurt in your life...even though it is not what he means to do. Let us leave it in God's hands who he will use to lead him to the Lord. Let's pray...

Father, you know what you put into my heart about this circumstance...and you know what is really in this sweet girl's heart. You also know what conduct is acceptable among people in general as well as those in Christ. I ask that you have your perfect will in this situation...and that whatever it might be...you prepare this young woman's heart for it and give her a resolve to not accept such poor behavior from ANYONE. Help her to learn to respond without anger...but also in a very candid manner. Saying something to the effect that I really feel that it is quite disrespectful to notify me of your change in plans like this at the last minute and I request that you do not continue to do so in the future...is the kind of thing I mean. Father show this woman what this man is really like...not through the filter of her feelings but under the light of what is good and true. Let her remember that to have a friend one has to be one and this kind of behavior says that this man's friendship is only on his terms even if it is hurtful to her. Whatever your will Father please do it...but as you do...open the eyes of this young woman that she might grow from the experience and set higher standards for herself than what she is currently experiencing in this friendship. In Jesus name...Amen!

Dear Havenly Father The Kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven forgive us are sin as we for give are debtor and lead us not into temptiation but deliver us from evil Please answer this person prayer acord to your will and bless there life Lord and we give you all the priase honor and glory in all of this. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN

adoring1 Wrote:Okay...as my daddy used to say...this is where the rubber meets the road...I firmly believe that you need to back off of this young man for a time PERIOD. While I may be a little blunt...I do so in love that you might clearly look at some things about this circumstance. Your feelings are far more involved than they should be with his current situation...and even though you say to me...and also to yourself you have accepted that this is just friendship...which you may have done in your head...you have not in your heart is what I discern. Believe it or not, I say this not for only that reason, but because of the way that he is treating you. He is using you as a distraction...(my brother used to do this with many of his female friends) . I say that because in your previous post you said something about him having a good time after he bailed on you today ...which I took to mean he had made other plans...and didn't even bother to tell you until you were trying to find out where you would meet. That is disrespectful of you and frankly unacceptable for anyone. You do not have to be a girlfriend to be treated with greater respect than that! The message that he is sending is he will hang out with you unless he finds something that he feels is more interesting or better to do. By apologizing to him...you are conditioning him to believe that this is okay behavior...and simply put it is not. He should be apologizing to you for being so selfish and inconsiderate. Further...if you were not angry you should have been...as this was extremely unkind. Being angry is NOT a sin. Acting in a heartless way because of anger is. Sweet girl...this man knows you like him (more than just a friend)...and he is using that to his advantage and being rude and inconsiderate. As a daughter of Christ you deserve better from ANYONE including a friend. Do I think he will reach out to you?...Yes when he is not busy doing something else with someone else...and I hope at some point that this will become very unattractive to you! You cannot lose something you do not have...and you do not have the same level of commitment from him as a friend...as you are giving to him!

I am not led by the Holy Spirit to pray that he does not fade away...because I do not think that this is healthy for you to be dealing with in this manner...but I will not pray for him TO go away either. That is up to God...and I believe that God is trying to grow you up a bit when it comes to men through this experience. I pray that the will of God be done in this situation. God will raise up whomever he wishes to witness to this young man...even if he does not know other Christians that you are aware of...and I truly believe that your feelings for him despite your willingness to witness are creating a potential for a great deal of hurt in your life...even though it is not what he means to do. Let us leave it in God's hands who he will use to lead him to the Lord. Let's pray...

Father, you know what you put into my heart about this circumstance...and you know what is really in this sweet girl's heart. You also know what conduct is acceptable among people in general as well as those in Christ. I ask that you have your perfect will in this situation...and that whatever it might be...you prepare this young woman's heart for it and give her a resolve to not accept such poor behavior from ANYONE. Help her to learn to respond without anger...but also in a very candid manner. Saying something to the effect that I really feel that it is quite disrespectful to notify me of your change in plans like this at the last minute and I request that you do not continue to do so in the future...is the kind of thing I mean. Father show this woman what this man is really like...not through the filter of her feelings but under the light of what is good and true. Let her remember that to have a friend one has to be one and this kind of behavior says that this man's friendship is only on his terms even if it is hurtful to her. Whatever your will Father please do it...but as you do...open the eyes of this young woman that she might grow from the experience and set higher standards for herself than what she is currently experiencing in this friendship. In Jesus name...Amen!

I understand why you say the things you have. I apologized, because he had mentioned going hunting earlier in the week and I forgot about it and I think so did he while we were making plans...it was still wrong though. I think when I was trying to make plans he should have said something--should have reminded me. I try not to let this bother me, because miscommunications happen all the time--but, I thank you for what you have said. I appreciate the things you have said, because I know that you have given them in love. I got the sense that you had the impression, however, that my friend doesn't care or that he is simply a user--and, in spite of my feelings, when I was going over it logically I do not see that. He has done specific things to show he cares, but I agree, he is not as invested as I am. He notices when I'm gone or if I've been away for a while, but then he doesn't initiate...I don't know if that's his personality, or if his thumb is broken (lol) where he can't text me (I'm being absurd of coarse and only joking)--regardless, I still want to be his friend and I've been trying to stand up for myself, even if I did not do so in this particular incident.

I just don't want you to think he's a bad person. He really does have good qualities, he's a decent man--I just think he has a lot of maturing to do and that he is inconsiderate and selfish at times (I think we all are). Perhaps backing off for a time will show him changes he needs to make. I don't know--I'm not all that important in the matter.

I listened to a message today in church that showed how the Lord is supposed to be the one who wins people to Christ--not us. I know that I've been told that more than once, but it really struck me today. I thank you for your time and consideration and for the things you have said, even if we didn't completely agree. I know that we still agree, my friend needs to grow-up...a lot. We agree he needs the Lord--who can not only bring him the salvation he needs, but also the maturity he needs for not only life, but for the rest of eternity.

I hope that I haven't been offensive. I really do appreciate your time and I know that I am probably not the easiest person to talk to sometimes, but I do thank you for your prayers in this matter. Hopefully everything will come out well in the end--I would like to be out of this storm soon.

Again, I am not offended and I hope you are not either...but understand this...all people have some good qualities, however the ones that are disrespectful should not be tolerated because they have others. Men are by design people who chase after those that they have not won over...when we allow them to treat us as though we do not matter...we do little to command their respect. I do not judge this young man as a good or a bad person...I simply look at the behavior that you describe and consider what that means...and because I am not involved in the circumstance, I think I can be objective. I pray that whatever you do...you remember who you are in Christ Jesus and command from all you interact with the level of respect that this is due and give it to others also...as you clearly do. Be blessed. In Jesus name...Amen!

adoring1 Wrote:Again, I am not offended and I hope you are not either...but understand this...all people have some good qualities, however the ones that are disrespectful should not be tolerated because they have others. Men are by design people who chase after those that they have not won over...when we allow them to treat us as though we do not matter...we do little to command their respect. I do not judge this young man as a good or a bad person...I simply look at the behavior that you describe and consider what that means...and because I am not involved in the circumstance, I think I can be objective. I pray that whatever you do...you remember who you are in Christ Jesus and command from all you interact with the level of respect that this is due and give it to others also...as you clearly do. Be blessed. In Jesus name...Amen!

Thanks...may the Lord bless you too for all the help you've given me and the advice.

Update--

Well, nothing really has significantly happened, so perhaps I have given a misleading title, but I think it important nonetheless. I have backed off and have been focusing on getting my studies done. I am to see my friend at a small party (amongst friends and not to be mistaken with anything inappropriate) and again on Friday to see some friends coming back into town to see us and go to see a musical. That's not really that important for your knowledge, but I do ask that you would pray for my strength--that I would be the witness I need to be. My feelings have prevented me from moving forward as far as being a witness--in fact, it has probably been to my detriment. But, I still feel that the Lord would have me to be witness--not for my own glorification, but for His glory. My focus, however, must be on Him and not simply what I want. My friend is not a number and he is not just a potential mate (in fact, that is probably the FARTHEST thing that he could be...there's really no potential). In my heart, I do want to be with him--I still have deep feelings for this man in spite of everything that has happened and thus promotes my separation now--I really don't like seeing him with his girlfriend (understandably I believe).

However, somehow, I do believe the Lord has a purpose in all of this. I believe that the Lord warned me of this even before I knew what was going on--not necessarily the details--but He showed me that something significant was to happen in my life. So please pray for my strength in Him--for me to be focused on Him so that I can be a witness for my friend--so that he can truly see Christ.

I will admit that my motives have not always been pure--I have my own selfish desires, unfortunately and they're destroying me. Please pray for me--it wouldn't matter if I got together with this man (it would be IMPOSSIBLE at this point)...I don't want him to go to hell...I don't want any of my friends to. So, if you would pray that if the Lord sees fit, that He would use me to reach them--that Christ would shine through and that the heart of my friend would be prepared--that he would be drawn to the Lord. He will not be happy with anyone, in anything until he finds the Lord.

Suffering Peter Pan syndrome has held him back career wise as well as in life in general. A girlfriend should be the least of his worries, but he seems to want that more than anything (I mean, he has the current girlfriend, but I don't know the current status of that--it could be good or bad...not up to me to judge). He really is looking for something substantial--he needs the Lord's Love, not an Eros love--that's something I need too, although I have it in my salvation. My friend does not.

Please pray for me. I want the Lord to be glorified...I don't want to be sad any more. I don't want to mourn continually. If my friend got saved--it would make this whole situation seem less vain--especially since he is my friend. It's not simply a distant memory, like some people suffer (and that I believe I can count a blessing--even if I do see him with someone else, at least I know that he has some sort of caring for me--even when he is very VERY immature). I do believe that and when I felt like quitting, the Lord has stopped me.

Please pray for my witness--I know that is not always my focus, which is wrong on my part, but please pray for this. Anyone could be used to witness to him--that's true and I would not the Lord to limit His resources simply to satisfy my own selfish needs--but, I feel that the Lord would have me to witness to him. I asked for someone to go to my friend during the summer to speak to him and for him to get saved, but the thought occured to me--why don't you get off your lazy behind and do some witnessing of your own? I want to be willing to do whatever is necessary--for the Lord to use me.

I appreciate all your prayers, past, present, and future. I realize that my friend has done some things that are not right, but I also know that all of us are guilty of being that way at one time or another--does that mean I should be treated incorrectly? Absolutely not--however, I want to forgive--I do not want to hold this to his charge. I want him to get saved, to grow in the Lord and find His will for his life, because he will not only burn for eternity, but he will miss out on the beautiful life the Lord has for him.

Please pray that his heart be open, that if the Lord would see fit, that the door would be open so that he would hear the word of God--that he would not be blind any longer to the truth and that the seeds sown would not be plucked away by Satan.

Thank you for your time, consideration, endurance (especially when there is disagreement), and for all your prayers.

I pray that his heart will open, and I pray that he will be led to the Lord...and if it is you that the Lord chooses to use...I pray that this will also be what happens...but what I know is that you have to allow the Lord to open the door for that to happen and while you may not have been pure in your motives from what you suggest...God has not yet opened that door in a way that allows true witnessing to occur by you. I share that because I truly believe this is important to you...but you must understand that God knows when and how this may be accomplished...and it may not be you that he chooses to use. I pray if you are the one called upon to do this service to the Lord that you will do it well and with a purity of heart and purpose...and I believe if that is the case you will.

I want however to draw your attention to something...you say that your feelings for this man, your personal desires are destroying you...and you want to be made stronger. I need to ask that you consider that so much exposure to this man is not allowing you to heal...to move on with your life. It is a little like having an open wound and rubbing salt into it. The pain is tremendous and the wound does not heal under those conditions. I know you are torn between this man's salvation and the pain that being around him...knowing he is seeing others causes you...but I must suggest the old adage, physician heal thyself, is very appropriate here. Being sad all of the time does no one any good...especially you...and sometimes you need to back away from a thing for an extended period of time to totally heal and move beyond its grip. You have to do what you have to do...and it is clearly your decision...but clearly this has been going on for a while now and your feelings are still causing you pain and will until you are able to totally let go of your feelings for this man.

Father, please strengthen this young woman and give her peace. Help her to let go of the longing feelings for this young man. She knows that he is not the right choice for her...that he is too immature for a meaningful relationship but she still hurts because it is not she that he has chosen. Please help her to make good choices that will enhance her well being as to what level she should engage in interaction with him. Father lead whomever it is that you wish to witness to him...in your timing and in your wisdom. Father let him be open to receiving the gift of salvation and soon. Father please bless both of these young people with your wisdom and by your grace work things out in the way that is in the center of your will. In Jesus name...Amen!

adoring1 Wrote:I pray that his heart will open, and I pray that he will be led to the Lord...and if it is you that the Lord chooses to use...I pray that this will also be what happens...but what I know is that you have to allow the Lord to open the door for that to happen and while you may not have been pure in your motives from what you suggest...God has not yet opened that door in a way that allows true witnessing to occur by you. I share that because I truly believe this is important to you...but you must understand that God knows when and how this may be accomplished...and it may not be you that he chooses to use. I pray if you are the one called upon to do this service to the Lord that you will do it well and with a purity of heart and purpose...and I believe if that is the case you will.

I want however to draw your attention to something...you say that your feelings for this man, your personal desires are destroying you...and you want to be made stronger. I need to ask that you consider that so much exposure to this man is not allowing you to heal...to move on with your life. It is a little like having an open wound and rubbing salt into it. The pain is tremendous and the wound does not heal under those conditions. I know you are torn between this man's salvation and the pain that being around him...knowing he is seeing others causes you...but I must suggest the old adage, physician heal thyself, is very appropriate here. Being sad all of the time does no one any good...especially you...and sometimes you need to back away from a thing for an extended period of time to totally heal and move beyond its grip. You have to do what you have to do...and it is clearly your decision...but clearly this has been going on for a while now and your feelings are still causing you pain and will until you are able to totally let go of your feelings for this man.

Father, please strengthen this young woman and give her peace. Help her to let go of the longing feelings for this young man. She knows that he is not the right choice for her...that he is too immature for a meaningful relationship but she still hurts because it is not she that he has chosen. Please help her to make good choices that will enhance her well being as to what level she should engage in interaction with him. Father lead whomever it is that you wish to witness to him...in your timing and in your wisdom. Father let him be open to receiving the gift of salvation and soon. Father please bless both of these young people with your wisdom and by your grace work things out in the way that is in the center of your will. In Jesus name...Amen!

I definately agree. I need to think a little more for myself at the time. I've been trying to focus on my studies (which are not up to my usual par) and trying to catch up on everything. I'm by no means failing or anything drastic...however, I am not doing as well as I normally do. So, I've been concentrating on that. My mother also brought up the point that sometimes we don't know why God is doing what He's doing, but we are to know that there's a reason behind it. My mom says that God can do what seems impossible to us. The impossibilty in my case is seeing him saved--I know that it can happen, I'm just not sure how...I guess that's why God does that for me. lol

I'm trying to enjoy the fact that he is my friend as well. It turns out that his girlfriend ended up being at the get together that we had. Although they kissed and stuff, I got through it without crying or being upset--at least not until on the way home. I handled my hurt without having a total meltdown, which is a HUGE improvement, I believe. Tonight, there are some friends coming into town and I don't know what's in store tonight. I think that the Lord will bless it as He blessed me last night--in spite of my being upset about the girlfriend, I was still able to share laughs with him and there are things I can glean from my experience.

Perhaps I'm simply just too negative. I think I've complained more than counted my blessings. No--we're not together and I'm stuck being in love with someone who is not in a relationship with me--but, we I think of the friend I do have...that's pretty special. There are certain things that the Lord blessed me with that I wouldn't change for the world. I just hope to have my friend truly restored in the Lord...and I hope that he matures so that he can have the life God intends for him.

I thank you for your consideration of me. I think that giving myself space this week helped--I really miss him, but he's not out of my life. I'm sure we'll get together and have fun and I think counting my blessing rather than my hurts would cheer up my heart.

Thank you for your prayers. Just continue to pray for us--our individual needs. I appreciate it.

Dear Havenly Father The Kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven forgive us are sin as we for give are debtor and lead us not into temptiation but deliver us from evil Please answer this person prayer acord to your will and bless there life Lord and we give you all the priase honor and glory to whom all power belong. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN

Father, strengthen this young woman and help her to make decisions that are in your will for her life and her destiny. Give her peace and joy Father as she moves through this chapter of her life. In Jesus name...Amen!