My whole life I have always fended for myself. I was raised in a house that didn't even acknowledge my existance, unless I did something wrong. My father constantly verbally and physically abused me. My mother used to lock me in my room for days at a time, she said it was for my own protection, I say it's because she wasn't strong enough to get out. At the age of 9 I went to live in a convent with 62 nuns. I loved them, I can honestly say it's the only time in my life that I remember feeling like i was truly loved. I was there for 3 years. When I left at the age of 12 and went home , I wasn't there very long. My mother found a new love interest at work, and left us. Anywhere was better than being home with my father, so I left too! I lived on the streets for 2 years stealing whatever I needed to survive. I would steal clothes off of peoples clothes lines, food from the store, hygiene products... etc... before I met the man I would end up marrying. I had three children with this man. One at 15, one at 16, and one at 17. 3 Babies being raised by a baby. But I tried my best. After about 3 years of marriage, my husband decided he didn't want the responsibilities of taking care of his family. He refused to work. As a matter of fact he refused to do anything. I was 19 years old, I had no formal education, 3 babies at home, and no matter how hard I tried , I couldn't get a job. I started stealing my childrens clothing, our food, whatever we needed. I got caught one to many times and ended up doing a 1 & 1/2 yrs prison term. I came home and went back to my husband, I had to he had my children. About 6 yrs into my marriage, my husband started beating on me. This went on for another 4 yrs. I woke up one day and said, "this is not going to happen to me" I packed my children up and took my car. We lived in our car for 2 weeks. All of our shelters were full. I went to the grocery stores everyday to steal food for my children. I stole cough medicine, and anything else we needed. I was lost. I prayed everyday, I asked God to help me. I was able to get my own apartment, my own furniture, the kindness of God's chosen really helped me when I needed it. I've been alone with my kids for 6 years now, they are all teenagers now. 15,14,and13. they're great, respectful, kids. They don't remember a lot from back then, Thank God. I put myself through school by myself. After 2 yrs of full time classes, I became a Nurse.
I worked hard and did my best to help teenage girls just like me. I developed over my whole life a deep and loving relationship with God. The Nuns I lived with really did save me, not only did they save me from being abused, but they planted the seed of Life in me. I didn't know it at the time, but as I grew and matured into a woman I understood. 4 months ago I was lifting an elderly patient and ruptured 2 discs in my back. The hospital is fighting my comp. I literally have days that I have to crawl to the bathroom. Some days are good, I can move about slowly without pain.
I have applied for county help because my rent is overdue by 3 months, my power and phone are about to be shut off, I applied 30 days ago, they told me it could be upwards of three months before a determination is reached. All my life when I get to the point that I can't handle stress in my life, I go and steal what I need. It's all I've ever known. I was ordained as a non-denominational Minister in January. This time it's different. I have incredible urges to just take what I need, I can't sleep at night. My kids and I are about to be homeless. I've always been a rock to my children, through God's help. I told Him, Lord I'm out of options. I have to do what I have to do. Please don't be mad at me. Please understand that no one is helping me. I heard Him say in a very clear and loud voice. " your only out of options because you've stopped looking" . You always have options. I refuse to lay my head down in shame from Him, I refuse to allow Satan to use my condition to put a distance on my relationship from Him. I refuse to believe as one of His Chosen Children that I really am alone. I have faith. I will perservere , He will guide me. So openly with His presence to guide me, I ask for help. Whether it be prayers, or donations. I pray for help. I reach out to all of my sisters and brothers in Christ. I need your help. The lord said, ask and you shall receive. Well fellow christians , I am asking. Please do not allow Satan to corner me. I need strength to push myself through this test. I need your help, please do not abandon me like so many others in my life.
Sincerely
Kienne
kienneangela@yahoo.com
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