new beginnings, Confusion is from the enemy as the Bible tells us, so I think you will agree that the tactic of confusion is being used for your harm and not your benefit. Love on the other hand...the Agape variety is from God and is always for our good. So where is the disconnect? You are locked into the longing that comes from EROS love. You did not stop loving him...he stopped loving you in this manner...and it is actually unresolved anger that is leading your heart to be wounded so. Go back and read your own words..."After everything he has done to try to "throw me away" I still love him." You need to change the image in your mind...which only you and God's word can do. As wrong as what he is doing is, he is not throwing you away...he is simply questing after EROS himself. He has made another choice for his own happiness...as selfish as that may be. In his poor twisted mind, one has nothing to do with the other. You are both locked into the clutches of EROS...and for your own peace of mind you have to rise above it. It will take time new beginnings and it may also take some therapeutic work to help you heal. One thing that you can be certain of though...a person who lives only in the stage of EROS love will cheat many times...will change partners many times...because the adhesive that holds the relationship together...spiritual oneness is missing; it never had focus...it was all about how one felt. Feelings are very unreliable...they can change at the drop of a hat...which is why EROS love should not, CANNOT be the basis for marriages if they are to last. Walk back to when you first were dating your husband in your mind...how did the relationship progress? Did it follow God's 3 phases of dating:

Spiritual Oneness-Is this couple of one Spiritual Accord. Did you pray about this relationship individually and together? Did you seek God's plan for you as a couple while dating. This is what God intends.
Mental and Emotional Oneness-Is this couple of one Mental and Emotional Accord? In essence is each one comfortable with the mental processes; the way that they think things through of the other? Is each comfortable with the range of emotion and how love and tenderness is expressed...or does one go without something emotionally so the other can be comfortable?
Marriage Physical Oneness-Sexual relations as husband and wife

Or did the relationship develop based upon feelings? One of the greatest tactics of the enemy is when we are moved to engage in sex before we have worked through the other phases. Once this pleasurable side of the relationship is engaged...the others lose focus and remain under developed. When this happens, the stage where Agape love is developed...phase one never is cultivated as part of the relationship and therefore the adhesive of longevity is not there. Long term relationships cannot live on EROS love alone. While it is a part of the love that makes up a marriage...it cannot be the only element of love if it is to last. My grandmother, who was married to my grandfather for 40 years used to tell us...relationships will end where they begin...in this case either with roots in Agape or roots in EROS. So how does this answer your question...how do you stop loving someone that you have loved for 11 years? The answer is you don't. You transform the love...giving up longing for what is not and what cannot be...to loving as God does unconditionally...one is a feeling...EROs, one is a permanent condition...Agape. Some day if you remain in submission to God...and you do the work to heal your own hurt...you will love your husband for the years you had together...and for the gift of the son he gave you...and nothing more. But you must renew your mind and become the champion of your own healing for this to happen. Consider Christian based therapy...as an option...I found it very helpful when I was coming through this time in my life.

Father, lead new beginnings to a new understanding of love...what it is and what it is not. Let her see her longing for what it is...a desire to have something that is no longer in existence...something that once was but is no more. Help her to understand the words of the old in our culture...you cannot love something for long that does not love back. Help her Father to transfer the love to You for now who are reliable and unchanging and will always return it. Hold her in the palm of your hand that she might heal...and when the time is right and love presents itself again in her life...help her to walk through her dating relationships in the proper order...this time with Spiritual Eyes open and her heart guarded and her feelings in their proper place in the experience. In Jesus name...Amen!

I have done alot of reading and praying over the last 24 hours. Adoring you are right about so many aspects about my last post. I feel like Im on a rollercoaster with good and evil. I belive that evil sees me moving forward at times towards letting go of EROS and moving into AGAPE where I need to be. So the devil pushes these thought and doubts into me to try to hurt me. I have prayed for guidance and the courage to not let this get to me. At the recovery/divorce group that I attend on a weekly basis at my church I talked to several Godly wemon and spoke of my fellings like I did you. There advice and guidance was the same as yours. I have to let go of the anger that is inside even though it feels more like hurt. I know that my husband loves me as the mother of his child and that will never change. He is an unbeliever and I do not want to be with someone like that any longer. I made a goal for myself through prayer last night. I am only going to think of my husband as the father of my child and love him for giving me that gift. I let him go last night for the final time. Does thoughts of our love still linger? Yes and through the counceling that I am recieving I am letting go and moving forward. I know that it is going to take time for me to do so and I know with the love of my family/friends and most importantly GOD I will accomplish my goals.

Your right about our relationship. It was built on love/feelings not GOD. We both have strayed so far from the Lords path that I know that we would never have lasted. Even though I was a believer I let sin lead me down a path of distruction with my marriage. I know now that I want to be with someone who is a christian and has the same beliefs that I do. I do whole heartly pray that my husband moves towards accepting the Lord into his life as I have. But He is the only one who can make that decision but that does not stop me for praying for him. So maybe he will have the same beliefes that I do now. As today comes for him to sign the papers that we agreed upon I pray that the Lord lets my husband keep his word and not tell lies anymore. So that maybe we can start to rebuild a realtionship(non-marital) for our sons sake. I know that the Lord has a plan for me and I am putting one foot forward toward that path everyday. I am focusing on the Lord myself and my son. Those are my main priorities right now.

Heavenly Father,

I come to you in the Name of Jesus your son and ask that you continue to help me down the path of your wants and desires for my life. You are the one true love of my life and I give myself to you everyday with no holding back, with full faith and trust in you Lord. Please help me continue to grow as a Cristian, mother and daughter in your sight. I pray for continued strength to not doubt in myself and that I will not let the devil put thoughts of this into my heart. Pleaes guide my husband back to you so that he may see the beauty in your grace and mercy as I have. Please help him to keep his word today and sign the paperwork with no heistance so that we both can move forward. With your love and grace I will get through this Lord.

Amen

Father, please be in the presence of newbeginnings husband today. Go with him to the lawyers office and move him to sign the custody decision without fail. Father, this detail will change the nature of the type of interaction that newbeginnings and her husband have and will help to propel her forward on the next phase of her journey. Be in the midst of the situation so that this part becomes complete.

As newbeginnings works at her healing process help her to understand her emotions. She is feeling hurt...that is certain...but that hurt is fueled by anger. Lead those with experience within her divorce counseling group to help her access that anger that she might resolve it. Father let her understand that she cannot prevent the enemy from attacking her mind. It is his job and he is very good at it. But offer her the assurance that your word when applied to those thoughts will shut them down...because you Father are better at your job...which is to grow us and save us from evil. The enemy will attack many times during this experience...and for a time beyond it. But each battle she fights off will strengthen her for the next and over time she will see these attacks as having no more impact than a fly buzzing around her head and causing momentary annoyance.

Father, touch this husband's heart that he knows he needs a savior and let him ask for Jesus to come into his heart and guide his life before it is too late. In your mercy do not let him enter death in his unsaved state and lose heaven forever being caught in the pit of hell due to his stubborn unbelief.

Let newbeginnings resolve to follow your will and walk in your ways remain strong, as the guiding force in her life...lead her to peace. In Jesus name...Amen!